For the last decade or so, I have been mesmerized by the moon. On occasion, I have spent warm, breezy nights in her company on the edge of the water, sand between my toes and dreams lapping at the shore of my heart. Something about the moon is renewing, regenerative. And right now, I need what it has to offer.
Last month, I began a journey towards wellness here on my sight. And something shifted nearly immediately for me. If you have followed my blog for very long, you might have been with me when I took a monumental trip to the Northwest for a conference on using creativity in counseling. The trip was a trip for me. It sent me spiraling off my center point and into unchartered territory. You see, taking a trip like that was challenging because I am a woman of roundness. I had all kinds of hurdles to jump over, some created by me and some by the reality of living as an over-weight woman. But in the end, the trip changed my life. It made me reach out for something better.
So for the past five months, I have been in the process of giving myself an over-haul. And like with all things, I have tried to approach the changes in my life with love and compassion….and by listening to the still, small voice inside.
About a month ago, that voice began speaking up about what the future holds for me. The dreams I found coming forward were BIGGER than me…they were SUPER SIZED! And each dream that came up seemed to be served better by a me that is significantly smaller. (Now I want to preface this with a proclamation of the value that I carry for round-full bodies. I kinda dig my wide hips and the curve of my belly. But, the dreams I have been dreaming lately just can’t happen with my Rubenesque radiance.) At first, I wiped my hands of them, scooting them under the rug, saved for another life-time.
You see, I have been trying since the third grade to lose weight, mostly unsuccessfully …and completely unsuccessfully in the last several years. But, a strong dream doesn’t give up. They kept coming back. And they were so beautiful that I began to buy into the possibility that a way might be provided to help me make them come true.
And so, one day I realized I had a shift in my head. I had been dead set against weight loss surgery…for several reasons. And yet, often I would come face to face with a friend who had made the decision to do it and would have their lives completely transformed. And so I have been investigating this path to that body I might want to fulfill my dreams. At this point, I am about 95% sure that I am going to do it. I have even been exploring it in the quiet of a tiny blog that I haven’t shared with many people. But, at this point, I don’t think I am going back to where I was. I’m pretty sure I am going to make the biggest leap of my life.
The dream board I did for the full moon seems to wrap up the significance of this upcoming transformation. This moon is being called the Super Moon by many. It will appear to be huge in the nights sky because it is actually closer to the Earth than it has been in over 18 years. As a Super Sized Woman, I think using this moon to wish for Super Sized change is apropos.
Sharing my intention with this community of well-wishers and moon-manifesters makes it seem even more real…. makes it feel ever-more possible. I feel like I need this in my life. And for as much as it NEVER felt right before, it feels SO right, now.